Taking Back the World For the One From Whom It Was Stolen

Up until just recently, I've never really tried to figure out what my existence is for. I've learned bits and pieces, like that I'm supposed to be a missionary, a warrior, an armor bearer, etc. but I've never actually laid down any goals. And I think that now, now that I finally have allowed God to remove so many distractions from my life, I'm finally starting to see some very possible goals for my future.
Unfortunately(or maybe not so much?), I don't have a long list ready to go. But, I do have one, and I've got some I can feel on the edge of my mind just waiting to formulate. So, I guess I'll post them as they come. (:

1) I'd like to write at least one novel for young adults that people go crazy over. I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant, but I don't have the slightest doubt that I'm capable of it. Because it's not me alone who's writing. God is writing through me. Also, I don't want people to idolize me as the author, or the characters in the book, or the book itself. I don't want it to be another "Twilight", so to speak. I want the reader to be undeniably drawn to God through my writing, and be impacted in such a way that makes them want to live their life solely dedicated to God's will.

I'm not sorry anymore.

Boys... For someone who has no real interest in dating, who isn't a "hopeless romantic", I sure seem to write a lot about boys. Especially boys I've loved. Boys who I thought loved me.
One boy I tend to write a lot about. I've beaten myself up for like a year and a half now over him... And right now, at this moment in time, I am so thankful we wrecked our friendship way back when. God really knew how to make THAT turn out for the absolute best.
Even though I'm thankful for being spared as much pain as what I learned today would have caused me, I'm still hurting over this new truth... I can't stop the tears from flowing even now as I type this... But at least now I see the hope in the end. I know that I will overcome this, and I will heal. There is a time, not too far from now, when I won't look back at you with regret.
I honestly believe that if I didn't know what I now know about you, I never would have gotten over you. You'd always taunt my dreams in some form, always be on the back of my mind...
This truth hurts. It hurts a lot. However, because of that supposed mistake we made, I don't have to suffer nearly to the extent I would if we were still together. And with this pain comes freedom.
I only hope and pray you find salvation in the end...



~xHx~

Venting

You confuse me, and it's wearing on me.
You always give me just enough time to get over you completely, then you suddenly pop out of nowhere acting like I'm your best friend. And you actually have the nerve to get mad at me when I don't answer my phone when you call for the first time in four months!!! How long do you think I'll wait for you to remember I exist before I decide I'm completely done with you? How many times do you think I'll tolerate you coming back to me and acting like I'm your best friend after you completely forgot about me for so long? It's getting old. I have real friends who actually know I exist. I kinda prefer them over you, believe it or not.
You seem like such a nice guy, too. You're the most polite, most charming guy I've ever met. Like someone straight out of a fairytale. Quite the charade you've got going for you there... Too bad  life lasts longer than a few hours for more people than just you.
I'm not some program you can just log back into after so many months, all your data saved just the way it was. Life goes on for me too, you know. Yes- even when you're not thinking about me. Wow, what a concept!
Oh, and just to throw this out there since it's been on my mind for what, 6-ish months now?  You might have mentioned the fact that you have a girlfriend, who you're probably planning on marrying, when you offered to take me on a date next time you made it out my way. Who would have thought I'd actually have something against a guy cheating on his girl with me???
Yeah, I'm done with you. Have a nice life and all.

[/end vent]