Formspring!!

So, I set up a formspring account a while back and figured I'd let anyone who reads this blog know. (:
Ask me anything. I'm not shy. (;
http://www.formspring.me/HeatherLuvzU

Struggles and Strife

I'm scared and in tears
Hoping for a calm to these fears
I'm desperate and worthless
Wanting not to be faithless
I listen to the lies I keep making
I want to kill this life I keep faking

My life is a twisted mess
It consists of too many wounds to dress
It's always one thing after another
I have no time to duck for cover
I see the lights up above
They speak of my lost love

My mind has folded over its creases
I'm waiting for it to shatter to pieces
Insanity; is it really so bad?
What drives me to want to go mad?
Am I really so lost
That I'd pay my mind, the cost?

The truth is I would
In fact, I'd do all that I could
To lose sight of what is real
I'd give anything to not feel
Because I'm tired of life
Of these struggles and strife

I know this is wrong, that I shouldn't give in
I know there is hope beyond this dismal din
But Lord I can't take it
And I'm so tired of faking it
So show me the hope of true joy
Show me this life isn't some hilarious ploy

I'll keep pressing onward and stay faithful to You
I'll keep searching for a hope, brand new
I've surrendered my life solely for You
You'll keep me sane, that much I know to be true
Though it is hard and I can't do it alone
To reach you beyond, my sins, will I atone?


The truth is I would
In fact, I'd do all that I could
To focus on You, who alone is real
Only Your love I'll feel
Because I'm tired of life
Of these struggles and strife

Taking Back the World For the One From Whom It Was Stolen

Up until just recently, I've never really tried to figure out what my existence is for. I've learned bits and pieces, like that I'm supposed to be a missionary, a warrior, an armor bearer, etc. but I've never actually laid down any goals. And I think that now, now that I finally have allowed God to remove so many distractions from my life, I'm finally starting to see some very possible goals for my future.
Unfortunately(or maybe not so much?), I don't have a long list ready to go. But, I do have one, and I've got some I can feel on the edge of my mind just waiting to formulate. So, I guess I'll post them as they come. (:

1) I'd like to write at least one novel for young adults that people go crazy over. I'm sorry if this sounds arrogant, but I don't have the slightest doubt that I'm capable of it. Because it's not me alone who's writing. God is writing through me. Also, I don't want people to idolize me as the author, or the characters in the book, or the book itself. I don't want it to be another "Twilight", so to speak. I want the reader to be undeniably drawn to God through my writing, and be impacted in such a way that makes them want to live their life solely dedicated to God's will.

I'm not sorry anymore.

Boys... For someone who has no real interest in dating, who isn't a "hopeless romantic", I sure seem to write a lot about boys. Especially boys I've loved. Boys who I thought loved me.
One boy I tend to write a lot about. I've beaten myself up for like a year and a half now over him... And right now, at this moment in time, I am so thankful we wrecked our friendship way back when. God really knew how to make THAT turn out for the absolute best.
Even though I'm thankful for being spared as much pain as what I learned today would have caused me, I'm still hurting over this new truth... I can't stop the tears from flowing even now as I type this... But at least now I see the hope in the end. I know that I will overcome this, and I will heal. There is a time, not too far from now, when I won't look back at you with regret.
I honestly believe that if I didn't know what I now know about you, I never would have gotten over you. You'd always taunt my dreams in some form, always be on the back of my mind...
This truth hurts. It hurts a lot. However, because of that supposed mistake we made, I don't have to suffer nearly to the extent I would if we were still together. And with this pain comes freedom.
I only hope and pray you find salvation in the end...



~xHx~

Venting

You confuse me, and it's wearing on me.
You always give me just enough time to get over you completely, then you suddenly pop out of nowhere acting like I'm your best friend. And you actually have the nerve to get mad at me when I don't answer my phone when you call for the first time in four months!!! How long do you think I'll wait for you to remember I exist before I decide I'm completely done with you? How many times do you think I'll tolerate you coming back to me and acting like I'm your best friend after you completely forgot about me for so long? It's getting old. I have real friends who actually know I exist. I kinda prefer them over you, believe it or not.
You seem like such a nice guy, too. You're the most polite, most charming guy I've ever met. Like someone straight out of a fairytale. Quite the charade you've got going for you there... Too bad  life lasts longer than a few hours for more people than just you.
I'm not some program you can just log back into after so many months, all your data saved just the way it was. Life goes on for me too, you know. Yes- even when you're not thinking about me. Wow, what a concept!
Oh, and just to throw this out there since it's been on my mind for what, 6-ish months now?  You might have mentioned the fact that you have a girlfriend, who you're probably planning on marrying, when you offered to take me on a date next time you made it out my way. Who would have thought I'd actually have something against a guy cheating on his girl with me???
Yeah, I'm done with you. Have a nice life and all.

[/end vent]

USA versus Haiti- Are you freaking kidding me??

 "America: the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, and mentally ill without treatment - yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations. 99% of people won't have the guts to copy and repost this!!"

I am a person of no anger. I don't know what is is, anger just isn't an emotion I feel. I've gotten angry maybe 3 times in my life.
What I'm saying is, it takes quite a lot to make me angry. I rant about things a lot, I get upset, but I'm so rarely ever actually angry.
When I read this, though, I felt rage. I wanted to cuss out my friend who posted this. If I were near her, as sad as it is to say this, I probably would have hurt her. That's something I have never felt in my life, ever. Yet right now, it's exactly how I feel...



Whoever wrote that has no clue what they're talking about... The ONLY country? Try looking into 3rd world countries... Like in Ethiopia you get people who spend two weeks WALKING to the city in hopes that they might find meds for their parents who are in need, with a 95% chance of not even getting any.
Or in Israel where they only have 2 homeless shelters in the whole country, each only housing about 70 people at a time... Their few soup kitchens get over 1,000 people a day who are mentally ill, homeless, abused, etc, who have no other help. And that's only a small number compared to everyone else there who never receives help.
Haiti is completely leveled thanks to the earthquakes. I can't even begin to comprehend seeing my whole country leveled to the ground, over 100,000 people confirmed dead and even more missing, in a country of only 9,035,536 people.
Sure, America has many people who are in need who never get help, but to say that we're the only country is completely far-fetched and, quire frankly, down-right selfish.
People in America, yes even the homeless, live in luxury compared to people in Haiti. I understand it's hard for a lot of people here, and I'm sorry we can't help everyone who needs it, but right now people in Haiti are so much worse off than anyone in America can even begin to comprehend comprehending... We should be happy to help.
If the whole of America were to be leveled by a 7.0, who would help us?

People in America have no idea what poverty is. When we read about things like what happened in Haiti, why the hell are we complaining about helping them? Shouldn't we be thankful we don't have to know what it's like to live in Haiti?
Haiti was already a poor country, the poorest in the whole world. Half of their population were unemployed, and the ones who were lucky enough to have a job made less than the equivalent of 2 dollars a day.
When we start seeing statistics like that in the USA, maybe then we can think about complaining.
Until then, STFU. Seriously. I'm tired of reading all this BS.
And this is coming from a girl who has experienced homelessness, has experienced what it's like to go without meals, etc. And I am happy to say I don't know what anything close to poverty is like, and I will gladly do what I can to help those in third world countries who know nothing but poverty. Who experience a 7.0 on top of that...

~xHx~

A Night at Ross...

   I've always been... different. I could determine certain things about people without ever having to speak a word to them. Call it a "sixth sense", if you will. I can just feel it. When I look at them across the street, when I'm standing next the them in line at the grocery store, and the strongest, heaviest, most burdening of them all- when I look into their eyes...
   I think I've learned fairly well by now how to shut it out, block it. But there are certain times when I just don't even try. I just let myself tune in to the emotions of another person, feel what they feel, not quite knowing what they know, but experiencing what they're experiencing at that moment in time.
   One night, when I was checking out at Ross, the cashier was an elderly lady, probably in her late 60s or early 70s. For some reason, I really don't know why, I let my wall down for the first time in quite a while. I started thinking, but it was, well, weird... It was like I was probing with my thoughts to find one that aligned with what she was thinking, and when I felt like our thoughts matched, I was able to feel the flood of pain and loneliness she was experiencing. Suddenly I could see it in the way she folded the clothes, the way she counted my change, her posture, her gaze... All I wanted was to, in some way, reach out to her, take that pain away from her, let her know that some one out there DOES care about her, DOES want her alive, ENJOYS her presence. But I didn't quite know how... So, when she was finished and handed me the bag, I mustered up the most sincere smile I could, the most sincere "have a great night" I could. I'm not sure how much it affects her now, but I could see the hesitant, yet very apparent(to me, at least) change in her eyes, from lonely and descouraged to slightly happy and warm... So I hope I helped in some way, at least, I just wish I would have done something more... And I knew even then that I could have done so much more...
Why am I so afraid of people? Even those who are hurt?